What to expect, When you're expecting.

Does anyone know the answer to that question? Especially on the first baby that we were quite literally, not expecting. If any of you that are reading this have ever gotten pregnant on birth control, you know exactly what im feeling. Shock, confusion, you almost have no emotion because you dont know what to feel. You know you should be happy, that's supposed to be every mothers first emotion. But i felt a sense of panic, where do i go from here, whats going to happen financially? I was reading up on the dangers of having an IUD implanted in the uterus as well as the baby and it wasn't looking positive. So now i was battling whether to start the attachment process to this little embryo or not. Should i start getting excited about creating life, or should my being at a higher risk of a miscarriage scare me into repression. I honestly couldn't tell you which option i preferred more. This is one life changing event that i wasn't ready for, almost like a death, but quite the opposite. 

As the weeks went by and i started feeling more tired, nauseous and crampy (most frustrating thing of my life) it still didn't sink in. To me i was just sick. 2 pee sticks and a visit to the doctor didn't even tell my brain the inevitable. I have this way of easily brushing things off my shoulder. And then i went to my first ultrasound appointment, and there it was... a tiny bean, a little blob. but still, i mean really, for all i knew that was my stomach, and there was my del taco from earlier. More time started passing and i started throwing up, and becoming more susceptible to smells. Dont get me wrong i was doing the things i needed to be doing to take care of this little "bean" but i still wasnt comfortable with people outside of my close knit circle of family and friends knowing about this so-called miracle of life. Even though i was partly in denial I wont lie, it is the most precious thing to watch your husband become a father (i know i obviously havent even seen the half of it). He started referring to me as babies "how are my babies doing"  as he gently rubs my tummy. (he even sometimes prefers to rub my tummy, instead of my "twin peaks", if you know what im sayin.) 

I was almost beginning to think i had no heart, like honestly, can i take anything in life seriously? instead of just breezing by, can i for once stop and think about this situation i have before me. And finally it came, i had my 2nd appointment for another ultrasound, and there it was, i saw a head, a little nose, the Dr informed me that was a hand, and those are feet.  What the hell, it was the weirdest experience i've ever encountered, but then it got more weird. He puts the thingy in video mode, and its moving, its wiggling and kicking and bouncing up and down and im holding my breath and concentrating and trying desperately to feel it happening inside of me (the Dr. of course informed me to wait perhaps another month to feel anything) and then weirdness melted into joy, me and jay are laughing because this little bean just will not stay still, and then i start to tear up, and my eyes started leaking, and im thinking to myself, hold the phone, am i actually showing emotion over this thing? Did this just become real? I have living, breathing, growing, developing life inside me, and im staring at the screen and im seeing this black and white version of the rest of my life, and all i can think is "i just became a mother." 

I chose to write this short story via my blog for a couple of reasons. least importantly, i hate being cheesy on FB and i just couldn't come up with a clever way to tell people im pregnant. more importantly I really wanted people to know this story, it used to be important to me to let people know i was NOT trying to have a baby and me and jay weren't the type to be married for 5 seconds and jump into something this drastic, i mean come on that just screams lets be the classic young mormon family who next buys a van and front row tickets to church every sunday. We, quite honestly, didn't even have a plan past our Lake Powell trip this summer.  Most importantly im an open book, ask and you shall receive. It wasn't enough for me to write it in my journal and wait for my great great grandkids to pull it out of the attic one day. I wanted these last couple months of mixed emotion to be known because now, aside from the morning sickness (dont let it fool you, it doesnt just occur in the morning) im the happiest  camper there is and i just absolutely cannot wait till, January 23-ish, 2013

we shall call him/her alfalfa.. for now

My list of "things that must go" (an x96 inspiration)

-smart cars and all alike ( i don't mind if you are environmentally friendly but you dont have to be ugly too. they are not synonymis)
- when people use the words gorge (gorgeous) and totes (totally) you sound stupe (stupid)
- Pinterest (love hate relationship) it gives one the ability to be somebody you totally are not. you cannot afford those clothes. 10 bucks says you aren't that crafty. and im pretty positive no matter how many "6 pack stomachs" you pin its not getting you any closer, that would actually involve going to the gym. (yes that has been boiling up for a while)
- myself pinning those things and then complaining about it.
- rain in the winter
- baby posting... everyday. they look the same no matter what outfit they are in (no im not jealous, im perfectly capable)
- my inability to make cookies
- drivers over 70
- wooden Popsicle sticks
- people who dont blinker
- people who dont use there garage for cars, but for junk (im sorry i thought thats what basements were for)
- when people take pictures of their hands. ugly hands.
- COD
- Obama

Im no makeup artist

as you know i am no makeup artist. its pretty obvious. BUT i finally found eyeliner i love. so far anyways. i still need to do the all day test but im just too excited about this that i have to share it now!

BOOM BABY

i got in brown due to my blonde hair and i heard from a very reliable source no blonde should ever wear black eye makeup, its too harsh and whorish....

its super neat, its not quite a liquid. they call it a gel. and if you like to paint, and you like to wear makeup, this is the liner for you! i even did a smudge test

i painted it onto my hand and rubbed in a circular motion

              and VWALA it did fade, but it did not smudge!

MAGICAL

Im no food connoisseur

Im no food connoisseur, but i am a fan of good food and a great enviroment. So much so that when I come across good food and great enviroment I have an inexplainable urge to share. Mainly because i want the place to succeed so that i can continue to enjoy it and so that other pleople will share the same joy that i do. The same goes with places that I am not a fan of, well aware that I have my own opinions and perceptions. I am just the type of woman (yes i do consider myself a woman) that judges off first impressions, lets be honest most of us do. sorry. I have 2 examples for you today. The Blue Lemon in Salt Lake (located in City Creek Mall) and Soul'n Bones of Ogden (located on washington). Perhaps you have already made your own first impressions simply based off the name and location?

Blue Lemon. Have you ever been to Jasons Deli? or perhaps Paradise Cafe? Then you have been to the Blue Lemon. The name is pretty unique, kind of random? I would like to hear the story behind the name.

The enviroment:
is very innovative. the tables were really close together, too close for comfort. I dont like to hear the tables next to me conversation, nor do i like to sit back to back to stinky lady who has been walking around the mall in the sun all day. im sure they were thinking the same thing.

Call me crazy, but i do like to judge a place by its bathroom. Whether i have to go or not i always make it a point to stop by for a little peeky peeky.

The Bathroom:
a little peeky peeky is exactly what i got. I love when they put a good full sized mirror in the bathroom, its very handy. im self centered that way. what i dont love is when i take a look at myself in the mirror and SURPRISE i get to have a good look at the person in the stall right behind the mirror through the big ass gaps that for some reason someone designed that way. eye contact is not awkward at all right? on the upside the lighting was excellent, i didnt get to see every single blemish on my face! score.

Oh the food, i almost forgot.

The Food:
when i got back from the bathroom our food was on the table. QUICK! I love when i get my food fast (hence my love for fast food) but oh? "this is weird i didnt order sweet potato fries, ill eat them though, and i didnt think my sandwich had sauteed veggies on it.. i dont think this is my order". Needless to say  it wasnt my order, and if it was i still would have been pissed because the bread was major soggy from whatever juices the sammy contained. my order was a sandwich that when i got it, piled half a foot high, so when i "bit" into it, it all just slid out the back and made my hands all sorts of messy. Which yes is the typical sandwich/burger at most restaurants, i just dont get it. The Blue Lemon was not my favorite.

Soul & Bones. Lets move onto the good stuff. It just moved into its brand new location in the heart of Ogden right on Washington blvd. I just dont think i could say enough good things about this place. Its unique its one and only. THEY HAVE DEEP FRIED PICKLES. that was the selling point for Jason.

The enviroment:
Right when we walked in i was impressed. live music. i love live music. To the left is where the live music goes and there is a lounging area you can sit and listen and have drinks and social hour. directly ahead is the bar/bar area, walk past that and you may be seated for dinner. The area was clean, i had space to walk and lean back the building itself is beautiful, rustic brick walls and the perfect color scheme and nice little enclosed area for a party (i do plan on having one there one day, let me know if you want an invite).

The bathroom:
I did get a chance to make it. there was no full length mirror, but i guess ill live. I was impressed with the decorating the colors went right along with the restaurant. the backsplash had beautiful colors and unique patterns. The floor was a little dirty, but what can you do.

The Food:
do you like BBQ? oh you do? this is the perfect place for you. the chef knows exactly how to do. Brisket is hard to make, it was perfect. the ribs were perfectly seasoned, not to fall-a-part-y but not too chewy. I loved the waiters reaction when Jay asked for ranch. He told us the Chef doesn't allow it. I love it, that just goes to show the chef knows his stuff and knows what he is doing. I would have liked to see bigger side portions, but probably only because thats the way America has conditioned me, i would have liked to see a basket of fries, and like a gallon of potato salad. we got a family platter. 4 meats (2 different ribs, brisket, pulled pork) and 4 sides (hand cut sweet potato fries, deliciously seasoned black beans, homemade potato salad, and surprisingly good collard greens).

The Service:
im a huge fan of service, that is what will keep me coming back. the waiter was excellent, very informative on the food, he has tried everything on the menu and told it just like it was. our buser im 87% sure was high. My very favorite part of my entire experience was when the chef came to our table. I told our waiter to give our thanks to the Chef and he brought him out for us! He was a very interesting character, his chef outfit was a black chefs shirt and some awesome flowery chef pants. i was sold. he was mumbly and and cooky and awkward and i think he had a lazy eye but i wanted to take him home. love love love love love Soul & Bones. highly recommended.


on a side note the movie Crash is excellent.

The Beatles

i need to write this post to tribute the Beatles. Have any of you listened to them? i mean REALLY  listened to them. they were story tellers, even when they were just writing about stuff they see on the side of the road (Pennylane) they make you want to look out your window and see just that! they had my heart the moment i heard "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" sure they were on drugs, but they pulled that right out of their soul, it was pure art! They were romantics, 99% of their songs were about love and women, and i mean REAL love. not this Shinanigans about getting some nookie, and licking them like lolipops. They wanted true and honest love. though im sure they they got down and dirty. they wanted to hold your hand, if they had a hard days night all they wanted was to come home to you, they loved you so much they wanted to do it in the road and they wouldn't care who knew it!! They made bold political statements, they wanted everyone to come together yesterday and help as one and just let it be in strawberry fields forever while riding a yellow submarine across the universe to an octopus' garden because she came in through the bathroom window with a little help from her friends the night before sgt peppers lonely hearts club band played. Oh! Darling its getting better every time i listen the them. if only i could live a day in the life of a 60's teenage girl and try to act natural if i ever saw them in concert, i would definately want a ticket to ride... if you know what i mean. I've got a feeling when im sixty-four im still going to dig a pony. oh George Harrison i want you, you give me a norwegian wood though you might say you like me too much, its only love. the end


did i maybe get too carried away?

Most Epic Valentines Playlist

Me and the hubs celebrated Valentines Day last night at Ruths Chris (i can still feel the steak melting in my mouth) on account of him working late tonight, and I had the idea of bringing all the worlds greatest love songs to one place and making him listen (and sing) to them.

A moment like this - Kelly Clarkson
I believe in a thing called love- Darkness
I Do- 98 degrees
I will always love you- Whitney Houston
My Boo- Usher & Alicia Keys
Hero- Enrique Iglesis
Total Eclipes of the Heart- Bonnie Tyler
PS i love you- The Beatles
Put it on me- Ja Rule ft. Vita
Everything i do- Bryan Adams
Happy Together- The Turtles
How do i love without you- Leann Rhimes
Lets get it on- Marvin Gaye

Bonus Track: Hearbreaker- Pat Benetar

DIY

i did it! i finished a project! its not often i finish something im proud of (and im not proud of that) but this actually turned out to my liking. My loving actually (yes i know im missing tuesday, do not fear it will be fixed)

it will work with any collage frame but i had the perfect one! 8 4x6 openings was perfect. i antiqued the paint on the edges, inserted some scrapbook paper (this is my favorite part since it can be interchangeable) got vinyl lettering printed at theimagingdepot.com, stuck them on and VWALAH!! we have a schedule! (its mainly for my husband because he has Alzheimers) but the good news is he can read (clap clap). and every week you can simply write on it with dry erase markers. perfecto 

i cant come up with a good title

eeek! Ragnar is only 6 short months away, how do i even prepare for that? who's idea was this to sign up? i blame it on my good friend Jacquie Vanbeekum, who talked me into my very first Half Marathon. its crazy how running touches ones soul, you can think of anything in the world that you want. This is where i have come up with most of my best ideas (too bad i cant remember any on my return home).

The best compliment i have ever received was when someone said they could tell i was an active person just by looking at me. the first 19 years of my life have been wasted by my unwillingness to enjoy activity and the movement of muscles, but once you start you just cant stop! i imagine it would be that way for eating healthy as well but french fries and dr. pepper just make me so happy.. sooo happy. and while it hurts while you are doing it (hurts so good) its so satisfying the next day when you roll out of bed and you can barely walk because you are so sore.  well i just needed to share my testimony of the fitness gospel so everyone can know how important it is. perhaps ill keep a fitness blog/journal but i probably wont because i cant keep up with it.