Tuesday, December 9, 2014

As The Brownstone Turns: You Aren't a Lawyer, and No to Your Dog Park

Where do I even start? I should have started April 1st when I started managing these Apartments. The old manager said they used to call this place As The Brownstone Turns.
Having little to no apartment managerial experience coming into this I was quite out of my element. Things I knew going in:
1. collect rent on the first of the month
2. call the previous manager with any questions
3. call the owner with any questions
I really thought this might be the easiest thing in the world, what, with that short list of instructions. 

It started with a fridge... April-ish

I came home from work about mid April with a note on my door (it was my first note, I was so excited!). It was from my neighbors in #6 (for my own protection, I will refer to them ((boyfriend&girlfriend)) as #6) and in a shortened and condensed version it stated: "I need a new fridge because mine is leaking water, I hate stepping in a puddle of water every morning, and I can only imagine what its doing to the floor underneath". oh thats nice, i thought, a renter who cares about property that isn't his. let it be known I always give people the benefit of the doubt, you can call it naivety, I just call it being a human with manners. However, where would water be coming from? these fridges are basic, and aren't connected to a water source. Is there ice build up in the freezer? He said no. hmm, then I'm fresh out of ideas. Someone mentioned to me condensation, sure, but a puddle caused from condensation every morning? Not likely.  A couple of weeks went by without any more word from #6 and I thought I was in the clear for calling them on their bluff. No such luck. The owner called me and said "hey i've got the people delivering a new fridge for #6 tomorrow, make sure they know where they are going. WHAT. They got ahold of the owner themselves and decided to take matters into their own hands. Keep in mind the owner is about 75 years old. Also keep in mind that I HATE confrontation. so keeping the drama to a minimum I text #6 and said:
Me: the fridge will be here tomorrow morning between 8-10 make sure you are home
#6: yes i will be
Me: k. also make sure it is empty so they can put the new one in place and take the old one out.
#6: i will do that tomorrow, i don't want my food to spoil.

..... great idea, i thought to myself, why didn't i think of that .....

Next came the dog... June-ish

Disclaimer: I am not a dog lover, nor am I a dog hater. I'm just a regular person, who likes to follow rules and expects people do the same, so when I see #6 out taking a dog, that i've never seen before, to the bathroom I knew we were in for a whirlwind of fun. At this point I learned that all pets are to be approved by the manager and we don't allow puppies or full sized dogs. There is also a pet deposit and an extra $25 tacked onto your monthly rent. So I confronted him (after hyping myself up for about 10 minutes) 
Me: oh hey, is this your puppy?
#6: ya it is
Me: cool he's so cute, what kind of dog is he? (again because I have manners, I started off with some friendly conversation)
#6: SHE'S a Husky
Me:..... (losing patience).... So in other words a wolf haha (remaining friendly) so pets are actually supposed to be approved by me and also there is a pet fee, were you aware of this?
#6: no (looking panicked) the old manager let me have my other dog for free
Me: so you have 2 dogs?
#6: no I um used to have another dog (stuttering over words)
Me: ok well I dont know about that, ill ask her about. I'll drop off a form to you tomorrow though (walk away)

Before I could even get a form to him, he drops off a doctors note stating that this is his companionship dog because he has severe anxiety. At this point I knew he lied to me about having a previous dog that he "didn't have to pay for", he didn't even have a dog! So naturally I had to confirm that this doctors note was even real. It was, Damn! But I got my justice by berating this so called doctor and laughing and saying "what! is that even a thing"! Turns out it is, because after going to #6 and saying thats great and all that you have severe anxiety but this note just pardons me from being able to kick this dog out, you still have to pay for it. Then he comes to me with pages printed from the internet about companionship dog law pertaining to apartment owners blah blah blah blah back and forth for a couple of weeks until it occurs to me that his lease is almost up! And at that point I dont need a reason to evict him, I can simply say "my apologies (gag) but we will not be re-newing your lease. 
I feel it is important to say that I'm not a vindictive person, I just want to keep the peace , but I also will not let this tall gangly mofo (who coincidentally looks like Christopher Mintz-Plasse from Role Models, Super Bad, and Kick Ass. All of which are ruined for me now) step all over me. I just had to hold out till the end of September. 
in those 2ish (not so short) months they had 1 disruptive party, a request to get the empty basement apartment that has a fenced in grass area (ARE YOU KIDDING ME, either you have big kahoonas, or you are just stupid), they "petitioned" for a dog park (pictured below), sent me an entertaining note about the washer/dryer that I wasn't aware were broken (pictured below), and I had it on very good authority that these fools and their friends were climbing all over the newly built shed. which was my 1st, last straw.

I know what you may be thinking... I thought the same thing.

Oh is that why your handwriting is bad?

1st Last Straw... October-ish

Finally the month has come! Sweet release! Justice at last! I have lived everyday cringing when there is a knock on the door hoping/praying it wasn't them coming at me with yet another entitled comment/complaint. I quickly drew up my "we are not renewing your lease" letter, attached a copy of their expired lease, highlighted the part about pets and leaving the apartment how they found it so they have the opportunity to receive their deposit back, and delivered it to their door! Now its only a manner of 30 days until they are out of my life forever! Jokes on me apparently, this blog post ain't over yet. Remember that they have the owners number? Well I remembered also, so I called him pre-warning him that I delivered the letter and they may try to call him begging us not to do it! I thought I had all my bases covered. That is until they agreed over the phone to start paying for the dog... I'd like to compare the owner of an old version of Mr. Crabs. All my efforts wasted. I swear I was depressed for a full week.

The Girl Who Cried Carbon Monoxide... November

If you can believe it, this story continues! At this point I have no words in my mind right now that Jesus would approve of about how I feel about these people. If you are wondering these "kids" are 2 years younger than me (24) that age where you feel like you can take on the world. KNOCK KNOCK (I look through the peep hole) Dear Lord. What do they want now:
#6: um we were on the phone with Questar so we could get our furnace lit and they said it was very old and needs to be replaced because its a carbon monoxide hazard.
Me:...(after a brief pause of me wondering why on earth they would call Questar for that) well did you get it lit?
#6: no its very dirty and unsafe to light
Me: well you are in luck, I have the HVAC guy (awesome uncle) coming tonight for a different apartment so i'll have him stop by to clean and light it for you. If it works, we wont be replacing it.

SURPRISE it worked

2 days later another knock on the door. I dont even greet them at this point. I just open the door and stare at them until they start speaking.
#6: we had a carbon monoxide scare last night. Questar came out and turned off our water heater and says it needs to be replaced.
Me: oh I'm very sorry to hear that (monotone, almost robot like voice) I'll get a plumber over there right away to take a look at it (my other awesome uncle)

The next morning my uncle went to take a look at it. again, pre-warning him that these people are very nuisance-y and don't let them give you any bull shit. I mean, I can't let someone I love just walk into an apartment of crazy without having some sort of an idea. He returned 15 minutes later, telling me what the situation was. We shared a laugh:
Unlce: ok so nothing is wrong with it.
Me: as i suspected
Uncle: She called Questar because she was feeling light headed and lethargic
Me: (hand over mouth) WHAT laugh laugh laugh laugh laugh
Unlce: ya Questar is equally as stupid, the tech put his monitor in the vent, instead of on the outside, there is obviously carbon monoxide flowing inside of the vent.
Me: laugh laugh laugh laugh
Unlce: you're my niece, so this ones on me
Me: Thank you, you are the best

Literally, My Last Straw... Hopefully...December

Another party. Great, something else I have on them. "Dear tenant, blah blah  last warning, kept people up till 3am, blah blah blah, one of your drunk guests slammed into another tenants door, blah blah, please be human and have respect for people around you, blah. Sure enough KNOCK KNOCK:
#6: can I come in so we can talk about this
Me: (again with these damn manners of mine) sure
#6: I dont appreciate being falsely accused of something we didn't do. I've got some legal documents here stating it wasn't us. (literally, their legal documents are handwritten notes with everyones names spelled out and dates)
Me: Dont even try to tell me that. all it is with you guys is deny deny deny and its getting very old
#6: well we've been asking people around us if they knew who had the party and they dont, but they said it wasn't us. #1 doesnt know who it was.
Me: you are friends with #1
#6: no we arent
Me: yes you are
#6: no we arent
Me: yes you are, you work at Einstens Bagels together (next time you go there, see if you can point them out, I bet you can)
#6: oh I meant #4
Me: oh is that who you meant? the people that aren't even near you?
#6: well i've also got a letter from my boss stating that I was at work at 4:45 in the morning
Me: that doesn't mean anything to me, I know plenty of people who can stay up all night and then go to work without any sleep. Its been done
#6: ok well it wasn't us, I go to work early in the morning and then I just want to rest in the afternoon, I'm on my feet all day and then I just want to rest
Me: (is she seriously complaining to me about working at Einstens Bagels right now?)

ugh. From there its all a blur. She got mixed up and had her "legal documents" dated wrong. Tried to tell me I accused her of having a party on sunday night. stuttered over her words and backtracked a little to get back on top. All the while my child, sleeping in the next room, who has Croup and pink eye wakes up from the racket. Thank you for your input, please leave.

#6: ill have to rewrite these documents and bring them over later
Me: well slip them through my mail slot because we are done having this conversation
#6: have a nice day
Me: (shut door)

I called the owner. Please for the love of my sanity Stan make them leave. He said he will draw up some actual "Legal Documents". I wont't get my hopes up though until they drive away with all of their things.

To Be Continued, Im sure...

P.S. dialogue used is not 100% accuarate and pulled from memory to the best of my ability. I mean, I don't walk around with a recorder in my pocket. Although, it seems, I should.

Friday, February 28, 2014


We have officially accepted an offer on our house! SIDE NOTE: I've had extreme writers block for a couple of days now, thats why its taking so long to write this and i still have it so please excuse my sporadic writing. 

With the closing date 1 month away (April 1st) I've been having mixed emotions! We were anxious to sell so Jay could start school (something about not wanting to give somebody an 80k loan when they are already in 200k for a house) but now as I sit here and pack my very first box I'm sad. Well sad and excited. Well let's be honest I have no clue what I'm feeling. It's weird and crazy. 


So I wrote that above paragraph yesterday. I got 5 boxes from my kitchen packed. I left all the things we use on a daily/weekly basis. It's amazing how many things 1 family needs, or really doesn't need. I have a huge D.I. Pile. 

Anyways. Things have kind of fallen into place perfectly and surprisingly our "for sale by owner" sign came through. The real miracle is that the buyers also don't have a realtor, which equals more money in everyone's pocket ($7k to be exact) and who doesn't like more money? The most real miracle is that we no longer have to live with my parents (sorry mom ((as if she wanted me anyways)). The buyers are currently living and managing apartments up by the Dee Event center. So naturally when they move out of there and into the house those apartments will need new managers, and that will be us! This really couldn't have worked out any better, even if I planned it myself. I guess that's how you know your on the right path of life eh? Everything just kinda feels like it was meant to be. 

I also couldn't ask for better buyers. When the house was still on the market, and I had multiple interests coming through you just know when you see somebody that they aren't the people for this house DISCLAIMER: that has no relation to race or my judgment of there social standings. However, the minute this awesome pregnant lady knocked on my door (Thursday) commenting on the sign, and asking about the house, I could just feel some good things coming from this. They walked through it the next day, twice, and had an offer to us by Monday. Which was the perfect offer, we didn't even hesitate to accept it! 

And now as I lay here on my bed looking out my window with plantation shutters longingly wishing I could bring them with me, I'm filled with regret. Just kidding. I'm filled with thoughts about what I want in our next house, where I want to go when we get to travel for free, and how many Pinterest projects I now get to try to spruce up my new apartment. Optimism at it's finest, wouldn't you say? 

This is in a corner of our garage. We etched it in right after they poured the cement. 

Thursday, February 6, 2014


It's recently come to my attention that some of you out there might find me cynical. My Facebook posts are usually circulated between things I don't like, things that frustrate me, things that I think are stupid, but in my defense I try to be funny about it. 

You may not agree with the things I say, but don't tell me that when you read it it didn't put a smile on your face. Even just a tiny corner-of-the-mouth smile, or maybe a little "ha" slipped from your throat.  And that is why I do it. In hopes that someone will read it and it will bring the tiniest bits of joy to their life because maybe they agree, but maybe they don't but they still think it's funny or maybe they don't think it's funny and they don't think I'm funny and they don't like me but for some reason they haven't removed me from their "friends" yet because the more friends we have, the more popular we are and that's really all social media is about right? Who has the most followers and how can we can get more. 

Whenever I think about Facebook or Instagram or the likes thereof, it makes me quite sick to think how dependent we are on it. I hate myself  for looking at Facebook 472819475 times a day but on the other hand it's a wonderful tool. I would never know in a million years when people from high school have babies or get married, it's fun to share in the joys of other peoples lives, borderline stalkerish, but joyful none the less. It's a love hate relationship I have with Facebook, and from that relationship, it spawned me. 

I don't have a serious bone in my body. Sarcasm is my best quality, it's also my best defense mechanism. So now that you know my background my posts speak for themselves. Facebook is stupid and it's not to be taken seriously. I don't post about my happiest life moments because those are the things I share with those closest to me. I don't post about food or gym time because I don't care for you to know what I eat or when (or when I don't) go to the gym. I really don't even care for you to know that I'm struggling to find a pediatrician or that I think Juan Pablo is a douche. I do care that I have an outlet though, that's what Facebook is for me, an outlet, where I can express the things that are in my head as sassy as possible. If you don't like it, if my negativity brings you down, then please, for the sake of humanity please unfollow me.

 Hey look at that, this blog is also an outlet. 👍

Thursday, December 19, 2013


Ugh. Will life ever move forward? Will this house ever sell? I know I know, no one wants to buy a house during the holidays, or move in the middle of winter. There has to be someone out there. I'm beginning to wonder if it will even sell after the new year, but I suppose time will tell. I just feel like I'm sitting here waiting for something to happen, like life is on pause. I'm trying to keep this blog updated but I literally have nothing to write about. So I will insert here that it's snowing, and I love it. And also it will be Mykahs first Christmas, and I am happy that she gets to have it in this house where we started our lives together. So in closing if anyone is looking for a house, send them my way. 

Thursday, November 14, 2013

A Change in the Winds

We finally have eventful things happening in our lives that i decided the best place to keep people up would be writing about it via blogger style. I'm a terrible blogger. i hate the word blog. but beggars cant be choosers. this gives people the option to either keep up with our lives or not. i wont force status post after status post upon your wall, though sometimes I'm sure i will.

So this is happening. I'd like to hear what is going on in all of your minds right now. Did Jay win a million dollars gambling and we are now moving somewhere bigger and better?? Did Jay lose a million dollars gambling and we are now moving somewhere cheaper?? or maybe you just don't care and you aren't quite sure what the big deal is. everyone moves, its nothing new. But not for the Child's. i foresaw my future to be nothing new, life would continue on how it always does. Jay would work his 9-5 and we would start popping out more babies, finish the basement, eventually move out due to over-crowding. For those who don't know, me nor jay has ever attended college, i mean seriously? College? what a sham, degrees have no place in this economy unless you are doing a specific trade. so in other words we skipped steps. we got married and immediately moved into this beautiful brand new 2600 sq ft home. Both of us having full time positions and paid off cars, life was CAKE.

(insert buying a BMW here) and then there was a rift in our perfect lives. I was let go from my job. Not a big deal, didnt like it anyways. ill just file for unemployment and look for another job, well that was harder than i thought, but i eventually got on as a cocktail waitress at The Timbermine (funnest job ever) and then another rift comes along. Surprise pregnancy. a little bit of a bigger deal, we were not ready by any means. those things are expensive, and time consuming. i wouldnt be able to have a full time job even if i wanted it (i didnt) so i start looking at more jobs, something with fixed hours. which brings me to my current job at Mountain Alarm, Fire Protection Services. (insert new Subaru here) Well after our sweet little Myke-n-Ike comes, im working less than 20 hrs a week. congratulations to me, one pay check doesnt even pay for a car payment. during all of this though i wasnt even worried about finances, Jay is so resourceful that he'll do whatever he needs to make an extra buck (prostitution excluded).

Which brings us to the present. Jay's job is wonderful, its all he has ever known, but there is no where for him to go. He started as a bagger, moved up to grocery manager, his raises are maxed out. you can see how things are starting to get a little stressful. So Jay starts thinking "what is something i have always wanted to do", well if we are being honest he has always wanted to just not work and get paid anyways, but that doesn't seem to be happening any time soon. Back to the subject "what is something i have always wanted to do" it came easy for him...a Pilot. whaaaaa???

Me: thats awesome! is it attainable?
Jay: sure $75,000 for a pilot license and a 4 year degree later it is!
Me: oh ok, well what do we need to do to get you flying?
Jay: sell the house, cars, give the baby away and live off the land! (jk) what he really said was: sell the house, pay off both cars (hopefully), move in with parents, pump out school, hate life for 5 years and we are golden.

ok so that was a little exaggerated, and the decision wasn't that easy. there is so much we are sacrificing, but isn't that was life is about? Sacrificing the Now for a better Later? its going to suck starting over, but as i mentioned earlier, we skipped steps so it only seems fair. Adventures are about to start, and believe it or not im very VERY excited about it. ill try my hardest to keep this blog updated. or maybe ill just see you in 5 years, ill wave to you in between my monthly trips to Hawaii.